How to Have a Number One the Easy Way
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The fact the the manual was reflecting on the music industry in the late eighties does not make it inapplicable by today's standards, as much
This enjoyably written manual gives a realistic exposure of how the pop music business goes, and what makes a No. 1 Pop Hit, in the most real sense, aside of all ambitious artistry and pop/rock star myths that have wasted the time of millions of artists and dreamers, trying to find their way into the music industry the way media stereotypes and mystifies.The fact the the manual was reflecting on the music industry in the late eighties does not make it inapplicable by today's standards, as much of what is reflected on the manual is still going on - especially the parts regarding listener's musical taste, and what makes a 3 and half single a big success.
The manual is written in a way that is so fresh and casual - with a touch of in-your-face comic sarcasm - that will addict you to finish the manual right on continuously. I doubt it takes more than 2-3 days in your hands - if not for a handful of continuous hours.
I highly recommend this manual to those having in mind a career in the musical industry or seeking for a better understanding of Pop, in order not to be surprised with the disappointments when facing the sad-but-true facts of this complicated business.
And finally, give a listen to the author's works and history (The KLF, also known as The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu, The JAMs, and The Timelords). They were geniuses of their times, and they are worth their highly devoted cult following of their owns. Even if it's not for their adopted philosophy and understanding towards the pop music industry and controversial legacy, then at least for their records, which held some of the best production qualities and creative techniques ever heard on records!!!
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Years later, I read a story about the KLF dumping a sheep carcass outside a record industry awards afterparty and then setting a literal £1,000,000 on literal fire, and it included a link to an old OCRed scan of this book, which I read half of immediately and eventually got around to finishing after a Good
A long time ago, I heard a rumor that this manual existed, that Chumbawumba had obtained a rare copy and followed it to the letter, and that the result had been that fucking "Tubthumping" song.Years later, I read a story about the KLF dumping a sheep carcass outside a record industry awards afterparty and then setting a literal £1,000,000 on literal fire, and it included a link to an old OCRed scan of this book, which I read half of immediately and eventually got around to finishing after a Goodreads update from Suzie reminded me of it.
I can't speak to the efficacy or feasibility of the method described here, but it was definitely an entertaining ride and a real intriguing time capsule of the British record biz in 1988. Short, fast, and weird.
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It was very breezily written, and basically just lays out step by step exactly what you'd need to do to have a UK number 1 hit song in 1988. It provides some timeless advice and some advice tha
This was ace, I'd heard of this book but it never occurred to me to seek it out until it came up in a twitter thread I read recently (about Chumbawumba's 'Tubthumping', of course). Anyway, it turns out it's totally out of print and very hard to find, but the whole thing is available online for the curious.It was very breezily written, and basically just lays out step by step exactly what you'd need to do to have a UK number 1 hit song in 1988. It provides some timeless advice and some advice that is clearly a relic of a bygone era. I've always enjoyed the KLF on a conceptual level, as well as some of their tunes (although 'Doctorin the Tardis', the number 1 in question here is questionable), so it was fun to read about this one of their adventures.
The Golden Rules for writing a pop hit that are included here remain tried and true, so that section on its own is worth reading the book for.
A short, extremely honest and open, and entertaining manual for having a number 1 hit. Well worth your time.
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Throughout the whole book, they offer sarcastic asides and discourses on peppermint.
Is the information still applicable thirty-two years later? Who knows if it was even applicable back in 1988. Nevertheless, the book is a fun read.
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I feel this instructional guide mostly serves as a vessel for Dr
A document of the KLF's most playful subversion tactic. The resulting single of this exercise isn't so much a situationist performance as a vehicle for presenting all that was/is inane about the very dregs of factory-line pop music. I remember hearing it without context when I was a lot younger and dismissing it as exactly what the KLF had constructed it to be - pointless - which it is, in conjunction with being a pointed criticism.I feel this instructional guide mostly serves as a vessel for Drummond and Cauty's career katzenjammer - somewhere to let off steam with regards to the obstacles and gripes they'd accumulated navigating the 80s chart-driven landscape.
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When I found it, I started reading it as a joke, because it felt as it itself was a joke. However, I found it full of wisdom applicable way outside the niche realm of producing late 20th century pop music and I recommend it to anyone who thinks reading it is a bizarre thing to do.
"The Manual" is remarkable for its witty, easy writing style and literally awesome conciseness. I have read many books about music and the music business, and I think I learned more from the 54 pages (54 pages!) of "The Manual" than I did from any of the other, considerably longer books. And I actually used
OK, so this book is a bit dated (something the authors themselves preemptively comment on), but it's still an essential read for anyone interested in the inner workings of the music business."The Manual" is remarkable for its witty, easy writing style and literally awesome conciseness. I have read many books about music and the music business, and I think I learned more from the 54 pages (54 pages!) of "The Manual" than I did from any of the other, considerably longer books. And I actually used to run a record label, so I do have some background with which to judge such things.
And it's that background that leads me to conclude that this short book really is an incredible accomplishment. The way they structure it along a timeline of several weeks and snark-ly tell you what you'll be doing each day? Genius. Teaching you how exactly to structure your song as a non-musician and telling you what you can't and can't do? Literally genius stuff (and fwiw, spot-on. This book is still valuable as an accurate analysis of the structure of successful pop music, imo, if nothing else).
In addition to predicting the obsolescence of their own book, they even accurately predicted home studios, down to the fact that Japanese production would drive down the price of recording gear and put said gear within the reach of common people. Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty really are terribly clever lads who probably could've done whatever they wanted with their lives and been successful.
My only criticism for this book is that Drummond and Cauty present this information as something that absolutely anybody could follow, but I don't think that's completely true. They present themselves as having been average guys prior to KLF (or at least heavily imply it) who simply decided to try and write a hit song for the heck of it, but in reality, while not famous, both men were already seasoned musicians by this point with a lot of prior music business knowledge and connections - things that almost certainly assisted them greatly in this process.
So in this regard, while the snarky, "it was all so easy" style is appreciated, it is a bit misleading. Do I think an ordinary person in 1988 could've read this and duplicated the results? Yes, it's possible. Do I think an average person could have done it without having this manual to follow? There's no way an amateur could learn all of this on their own, on the fly. There's no question that doing what these guys did was much easier for someone in their position versus an average non-musician coming in with no experience, and I guess I just wish they had owned up to that a bit more. I don't know. Maybe anyone reading this book in the UK in 1988 already knew who these guys were and it all would have been redundant. Maybe this is a dumb thing to take issue with. But I do think the "average guy," "hey, we learned all of this as we went" presentation is a bit b.s.
It reminds me of a series of articles ESPN wrote years ago about trying to discover whether or not they could turn an "ordinary person" into an Olympic athlete. It was a cool idea, but it turns out that the "ordinary person" they chose was a professional triathlete. I.e., not an ordinary person. Did that make a difference? Of course it did. The person in the ESPN series was ultimately successful in gaining citizenship to a small Caribbean country in return for building their Olympic program (so sort of a "half success?"), but would've that happened if the person wasn't already a highly trained, experience triathlete? Of course not. And I think the same thing applies here. Cool idea, and a great "piss-take," as the British would say, but these guys managed to admit all of their mistakes without also saying, "oh, by the way, I guess we should mention this wasn't our first rodeo."
Even though I spent a lot of time on it (I think it's clear that I'd never be able to write a book this informative and keep it to 54 pages), this is ultimately a minor criticism. I understand why they had to write it this way. It wouldn't have been any fun otherwise. And of course they didn't have to write it at all. Plus, I really believe that they thought, or at least hoped, that an average Joe/Jane could have taken this and produced the same result. I mean, that was the point, right? I think it's just a different shade of what they were trying to do with the whole "Ford Timelord" thing in the first place (for those unfamiliar with their hit song, the gimmick they went for, which they later decided was a mistake, was to pretend that the song had been written by a car). As they said, "aging rockers find a way to trick the system" isn't nearly as interesting as "we found a way to write a hit single, and here's how you can, too."
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The advice of listening to the best contemporary club grooves and singing inane lyrics un
An honest snapshot of what it takes to get to the top of the pop charts, 1988. This relatively short manual focuses mainly on three areas: the businesscraft of the music industry, cribnotes on what makes a song popular, and the appropriate attitude one should have when putting yourself through it. Some of this holds up over time, some of it doesnt (in particular all the studio/vinyl stuff is the most dated).The advice of listening to the best contemporary club grooves and singing inane lyrics until something pops out as a hooky chorus - pure gold.
Musicians looking to use this as a practical guide should heed elsewhere, as the main draw for this one is its historical record, the humor of Drummond and Cauty, and the KLF connection.
I would rate this 23 stars if i could, but alas only 5 stars.
5/5 KLF
2/5 Practicality
2/5 Spelling and punctuation
5/5 on urging you to make tea
A superficially accurate self-assessment of The Manual from Cauty and Drummond. It underplays though just how evocative of a time the book is. Ostensibly about the practicalities of producing a hit single from scratch – and amusing in its treatment of this process – it bri
"[….] a book that will be completely redundant within twelve months. An obsolete artefact. It's only use being a bit of a social history that records the aspirations of a certain strata in British society in the late eighties."A superficially accurate self-assessment of The Manual from Cauty and Drummond. It underplays though just how evocative of a time the book is. Ostensibly about the practicalities of producing a hit single from scratch – and amusing in its treatment of this process – it brings to life a different era, and the different freedoms and restrictions of life in the late 1980s.
As they predict, technological change means you could 'sod off all that crap about going into studios.' But to do so you'd lose both some very funny writing, and thoughts and advice applicable to any project. The manual contains repeated advice to listen and learn from everyone involved in the process, from engineers, tea boys and accountants, through to promoters, pluggers and distributors. They are clear '[o]nly YOU can make each decision along the way' and must take responsibility for these. You must remain alive to the motives of others, and they set out clearly the different pressures different actors in the process are operating under. Nonetheless, the focus though is on successfully getting buy-in from those involved, learning from them and ensuring all have an interest in making it work. There's also a straightforward warning of the emotional turbulence any creative project goes through – despair and doubt through to ecstatic highs – the unreliability of both, and the need to include some downtime.
There's some great writing and they pick out some gems from others (my favourite: 'I am as mopish as if I were married and lived in a provincial town' from G. H. Lewes). Here's a comment on cynicism – an accusation that could seem fair to level at their project:
"Cynicism is a terrible, disfiguring character trait if used by the individual who is forced to carry a bitter chip. He will use his cynicism to cope with the weight of life and all its trials. But cynicism harnessed to your advantage can help debunk fraudulent mysteries that prevent us from sharing in what is possible and what is ours. At all times cynicism must be balanced with a belief and faith in the intrinsic goodness of our fellow man. Nobody really wants to be bad, even when they are pulling the trigger or handing out the towels for the non-existent showers.
You are not going to be able to cheat your way to the top. It is only by nurturing the goodness that everybody wants to express are the doors going to be held open for you."
This I think characterises the ethic of the book overall, and is an approach that transcends the specifics. Alongside this, the era of pay phones and giros, and simply signing on when unemployed are brought to life. That freedom is gone now, and whilst reading I couldn't help wonder how much possibility, for how many people, has been lost by our move to a punitive welfare system.
The book is short. I got through it in an afternoon at work. I recommend you do the same.
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From the introduction:
GUARANTEE - HOW TO OBTAIN IT
WE GUARANTEE THAT WE WILL REFUND THE COMPLETE PRICE OF THIS MANUAL IF
YOU ARE UNABLE TO ACHIEVE A NUMBER ONE SINGLE IN THE OFFICIAL (GALLUP) U.K. CHARTS WITHIN THREE MONTHS OF THE PURCHASE OF THIS MANUAL AND ON CONDITION THAT YOU HAVE FULFILLED OUR INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER. TO RECEIVE THIS GUAR
From the introduction:
GUARANTEE - HOW TO OBTAIN IT
WE GUARANTEE THAT WE WILL REFUND THE COMPLETE PRICE OF THIS MANUAL IF
YOU ARE UNABLE TO ACHIEVE A NUMBER ONE SINGLE IN THE OFFICIAL (GALLUP) U.K. CHARTS WITHIN THREE MONTHS OF THE PURCHASE OF THIS MANUAL AND ON CONDITION THAT YOU HAVE FULFILLED OUR INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER. TO RECEIVE THIS GUARANTEE PLEASE WRITE TO KLF PUBLICATIONS, BOX 283, HP21 7HG, U.K. WITH YOUR NAME, ADDRESS AND A PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR PURCHASE RECEIPT AND AN S.A.E. YOU WlLL RECEIVE YOUR GUARANTEE WITHIN TWENTY-EIGHT DAYS.
I can't even begin to talk about how great this book is.
It is a guide, assuming 1988 technology and popular music hierarchies, to creating a #1 hit single, thus earning you a performance on the BBC's "Top of The Pops."
The authors, the musical duo known as JAMS (Justified Ancients of Mu Mu), KLF (Kopyright Liberation Front), Timelords, etc. certainly have the cred to write this book. Under various pseudonyms, they spent a good part of the late eighties and early nineties on the UK pop charts and doing really weird shit. Most of their catalog is pop-oriented house, relying on heavy, very recognizable sampling of previous chart-topping singles.
quote:
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Without fantasy there would be nothing; man would have stayed up the trees, never ventured into the cave, Einstein would have foregone his relativity, Christ his ascension, Leonardo his Mona Lisa, Hitler his Third Reich and Betty Ford her clinic.
SUNDAY NIGHT
Sunday night. Remember to listen to Bruno Brookes' Top 40 Show again.
Have a bath; it's the last chance you'll have of one until the end of the week. Remember to sing your chorus while you scrub your back.
Sleep well.
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I managed to miss the countless reminders to have a cup of tea in this book with that quote. This is a remarkable feat.
The Manual is prophetic at times ("It's obvious that in a very short space of time the Japanese will have delivered the technology and then brought the price of it down so that you can do the whole thing at home . . .") and entertaining at every word.
This is a beautiful book written with an unflinching matter-of-fact voice. Read it.
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From the opening lines of the book it's clear that this is not like any other manual.I'd wanted this book when it came out, but being an impoverished student at the time I missed out.
It's not dated particularly well, a fact which Bill Drummond concedes in the postscript to this edition, but the ideas are all coherent and to a c
"Be ready to ride the big dipper of the mixed metaphor. Be ready to dip your hands in the lucky bag of life, gather the storm clouds of fantasy and anoint your own genius"From the opening lines of the book it's clear that this is not like any other manual.I'd wanted this book when it came out, but being an impoverished student at the time I missed out.
It's not dated particularly well, a fact which Bill Drummond concedes in the postscript to this edition, but the ideas are all coherent and to a certain extent still applicable: the Golden Rules still make sense.
Sadly in this era of pre-packaged, audience voting, karaoke cover version monstrosities, there are easier ways to get yourself a number one, but I prefer the Drummond/Cauty way thankyou very much.
I'm slightly amazed that no-one took up the guarantee (if you follow the manual and don't get a number one you can have a full refund of the book purchase price)even out of sheer devilment!
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As a guide to having a number one single, the book was obsolete within months of it's publication, but as a social commentary and an insight into a particular period of the history of pop (and let's face it, unless you were a member of German one hit wonders Eidelweiss, you had no intention of following the book's recipe for chart success and financial disaster), it made for fascinating reading, and held out the tantalising possibility of fame and fortune... or at least fame and bankruptcy.With 25 years worth of hindsight though, it's bit of a mixed bag - it remains a fascinating insight into the music industry, and the authors credibility grew massively when they progressed from being the Timelords, self-avowed one hit wonders to being the KLF, best selling singles act of 1991, but the word count is disappointingly low and the ending trails off to nothing.
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read this as a PDF. this book is mega-OOP. it is an interesting & slightly cynical look at the record industry in the late 80's. still relevant today though. it is a good primer. very informative. pop music can be reduced to a few small intagibles really but the trick is to get it to appeal to the masses. the KLF manual makes this process all the more easier to accomplish. it is all laid bare...
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News & Interviews
completely redundant within twelve months. An obsolete artefact. It's
only use being a bit of a social history that records the aspirations
of a certain strata in British society in the late eighties. Nothing
that any Sunday supplement advertisement could not already tell them.
It's obvious that in a very short space of time the Japanese will have
delivered the technology and then brought the price of it down so that
you can do the whole thing at home."
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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/984528.The_Manual
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